


In the Dark of Night

by trascendenza



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-23
Updated: 2007-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trascendenza/pseuds/trascendenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Since they've met, Noah hasn't given Luke nearly enough reasons to smile.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Dark of Night

This isn't right.

This moment should be (_would have been, could have been_, a traitorous part of him whispers) happy, exhaled between the two of them like shared laughter.

No one should look like this after they've been kissed. Especially not Luke.

But he—

The words and the lies and the fear all come out before he can even realize what he's done to Luke, to himself, because this isn't, Noah shouldn't have.

—he just _can't_.

*

He's seen a whole gamut of cutting emotions play over Luke's face: anger, hurt, resentment, sympathy. The hope is what hurts the most.

Luke's face is a work of art, a true to life reflection of what's happening inside him. Like all great art, it moves those who look upon it, and what Noah sees there makes him feel so ashamed that for a moment all the words—the apologies, the excuses, the condemnations—dry up in his throat.

He's running out of ways to say _no_, each time forgetting a little bit more what the word really means.

*

Since they've met, Noah hasn't given Luke nearly enough reasons to smile.

He realizes this when he catches Luke laughing and it hits him like a punch to the gut. Instinctively, he knows that the sight of Luke happy shouldn't be a rarity: it should be a _baseline_, the emotional certainty that all else is measured against.

Noah hates that he can't bring out that smile more. Hates that he doesn't know how to.

He hates Roth for it—

Luke was _laughing_ with him, the way that they'd laughed that night at the farm, the night the water and the darkness and Luke's smile made anything seem possible.

—but he wants to _be_ Roth almost as much as he hates him.

*

The smile has variations. There's the just-barely-upturned at the corners, enough to hint at dimples but not bring them to fruition. It's teasing, and usually accompanied by parted lips.

And… there are other variations. Ones that involve teeth, fully puckered dimples, eyes crinkled at the corners. Vital bursts of pleasure that cannot be contained and overflow into something that Noah wasn't taught to see as beautiful but does nonetheless.

Noah, however, rarely gets past thinking about the first one; he lingers on half-dropped eyelids, thumbs hooked through beltloops, denim clinging to muscle. He starts spending more time in his shower (and face down under his blankets in the dark) than anywhere else in the apartment.

*

And then—

And then Noah can. They're caught, and it's the most thrilling and frightening experience of his life. Everything comes apart and together at the same time: years of shared lies are toppled by a kiss and a sense of completion, a clicking into place, an understanding of self that was all the more resounding after spending years muffled and tramped down.

And then Noah can _touch_ Luke, and it's hard to remember that he cares about anything else now that he has this freedom. Palm to waist, thumb to cheek, a hand on a collar, a brush of the nose against the curve of an ear. Simple things, taken singly, but combined they fire like hot flashes bursting underneath his skin, bringing it to life. Once he starts touching Luke, it's hard to stop.

And then Noah can _kiss_ Luke, water rippling around them as they tread, suspended in the center, a perfect moment in time. Unspoiled by shoulds, woulds, coulds, untouched by anything else.

—and then Luke smiles and everything else falls away.


End file.
